A talk between a discouraged Priest and a compromised Noble - RPLOG
From Rusted Promises
Kiyasai is at a table in the inn, staring at her empty cup and seeming very deep in thought. Every now and then she mumbles to herself.
Mirana finally comes down from her room, she'd been up there all day, not leaving to eat, to drink, nothing at all, and it seems the need for food is what finally braught the distraught noble fox out of hiding. She looks barely tended to, her tails and hair not nearly as well brushed as usual, and has a very plain looking dress on. She looks about once she hits the ground floor and heaves a sigh. Noticing Kiyasai, she gives a small smile and walks over to her with a curtsey, "Good evening Miss Kiyasai, might I take a seat here?"
"Yeah, sure." Kiyasai ponders Mirana's current appearance and frowns deeply, putting the cup aside for a moment to give a more serious response. "I suppose I owe you a drink, and a long talk, Mirana. I just haven't really been in Firmament at all, with official duties and all." She flags down a servingmaid and places an order for drinks, as well as bread and stew, along with some smoked meats to round off her own meal. "Formalities aside." The leopardess leans forward a little. "You don't look well. If you're not well, I can probably help you out."
Mirana looks to Kiyasai and gives a half smile, "Oh, I'm doing well, my ... physical health isn't in question, but, I've got problems that is to go without saying I suppose, everyone does. However, I do believe I've dug myself a deep hole this time." she says, to the servingmaid she corrects her order, asking for the fruit drink that Bite has been ordering of late instead of anything stiffer, as well as some warm pickled cabbage to go with everything else, then sits down. "But, my problems can wait, at least a little while I guess. What troubles you?" she asks.
"The Creators never leave you in a hole without a way out. You just choose to stay in." Kiyasai's food arrives first, hot and steaming, and she decides to wait for Mirana's to arrive before tucking in. "Mine aren't so much troubles as a lack of confidence in myself. First week back in Firmament and already I've failed Kilsa and Selena. Both of them nearly died in that fight. I wasn't strong enough to do very much..." She sighs and shakes her head. "It is a personal problem. But I am sure that yours is worse. Do tell, if you want someone to listen to your problems."
Mirana listens to Kiya and smells the normally very tasty food, but right now it just makes her stumach flip. She holds her muzzle a moment and swallows hard, "I see, I heard about the carts having to bring people back in. I wish I could have been there to help, but, I was ... well, it relates to my problem..." She looks about then leans in to Kiya blushing deeply. She whispers to the snow leopardess, and then looks down to her lap in a bit of shame. She fights back a small flood of tears, "Give ... me a moment please Miss Kiyasai, my ... emotions aren't completely my own right now." she explains as she buckles a bit crying a moment. Her food arrives and the starved noble is careful to eat proper despite the urge to just wolf it all down at once, smelling very pungent but Mira seems to savor it. After a moment she looks back to Kiya, "And, I'm sure you did what you could do, and ... if you need any help, with anything, my door will be open, ok?" She offers.
Kiyasai pushes her food aside for the moment to listen to the vixen first, then frowns and scratches behind one of her ears. "Take all the time you need-" She wrinkles her nose at the smell of the vegetables and does her very best not to comment. Failing. "Strange. Foxes don't usually turn aside meat in exchange for pickles. Most carnivorous creatures don't." She decides to wait until the meal is fully over before smiling and nodding at the offer. "Yeah, sure. But that's not why we're talking right now." She offers a comforting look and reaches a hand over to place it on Mira's shoulder. "What's up? You wouldn't even talk about this to the others, and running away is never the right answer."
As the vixen speaks to her, Kiyasai's first reaction is a shudder of joy, but then she thinks too hard and decides to try to not let it show, using her trained neutral expression and forcing it on her face instead. "Plenty of ways to handle a kit. Wormwood for yay, silphium seed for nay." She recites the medical phrase that she was taught.
Mirana chews thoughtfully a moment on her pickled cabbage, before clearing her pallet with the fruit drink. "No... I usually don't eat this stuff, I've never liked it, not since I was a kit, but lately, I just can't get enough." And she uses her fork to play with it a moment, "But, in all seriousness, Kiya, if you need a place to sleep, or just an ear to talk into, I'll make sure you have either." But when Kiya starts talking of ways to handle a kit and lists contraceptive and abortive medicians she whinces, as if in pain a moment, before leaning over to shush her, "Please! Don't go spreading this around.... it is bad enough Ariella is practically shouting it from the rooftops..." she says with a blush. "If my father found out, the best I could hope for would be to be disavowed and kicked out of my family's house."
"Or, you take silphium seed boiled in water for three days and pretend things never happened." Kiyasai says with her voice low and she shrugs, though she does lean over the table to hug Mirana tight. "Everyone comes out the better. Except probably the father." A hand is clasped over her heart. "By my honor. Nobody else will hear about this. But you can't hide it forever. Not someone with a frame like yours anyway. Either you nip the problem in the bud now, or you accept it."
Mirana listens and takes the hug, returning it and holding tightly a moment, before her belly's rumble reminds her that this is the first food she's had all day. "Oh.. please excuse me, I've, not eaten today, been, lost in thought." She shakes her head, "I thank you for your discression, but... I don't think I could do that... this kit... my kit... it's my kit.. and it's a being, an innocent being.. I don't think I could if I wanted to, what would the Creators think of me throwing away such a gift, even if I wasn't planning to recieve it...?" She keeps her voice low and when done, digs back into the cabbage, ordering some brased pork to go with it, "And tea please... lemon tea, make it sour.. as sour as you can make it."
"You'll get acid in the morning if you keep this up." Kiyasai drags her meal back in front of her and falls silent for a while, tucking into a piece of meat while she thinks up of a reply. Swallowing, she smiles. "Mmm. I wouldn't count it as a kit unless it's out squirming and feeding on milk. Right now...just by drinking silphium water, it'll be over before you know it. But I'll respect your decision." She seems a bit dreamy now as Mirana recites religious principles, and nods. "Plenty of ways to get a lifebonding that won't cost you your nobility. Doing the Church favors, for example. Or if the father has the money, he could always pull a few strings. Not to mention all the Lords and /ladies/, and /lords/ and ladies." She stops to watch the vixen eat for a moment before continuing. "Anything's better than hiding from the rest of the world and starving yourself."
Mirana finishes the cabbage in time for the pork to arrive, with the tea, choosing to sip at the tea before continuing, "I know, milk, milk solves acid problems. I'll make sure to have some before I head in for sleep," and she adjusts her dress a bit, feeling tender, "Speaking of milk...." she says almost thoughtlessly and blushes. "Yeah ... lifebonding is about the only option I seem to have, and you are right, with my slight frame it wouldn't take long for people to figure out." she says, and listens to all the options. She nods her head as she takes a bite of the pork and thinks, "Kiya, what made you want to be a priest? I have great admiration of those close to the Creators, but, what made you choose such a path?" She asks trying to get off the topic of her and her 'problems' for at least a little while.
The leopardess' face seems to darken as the topic changes as she finishes the rest of her food by wolfing it down, and then she sighs. "Not sure if I want to tell you why I'm a priest. The specifics, at least. But back when I was training to be a mage, one of the more unstable spells of my own design was triggered by someone who was cleaning my room, and the whole dormitory was destroyed in a day. They made me stop pursuing my dreams." Kiyasai narrates, and looks back into her cup as her hands glowed for a moment with clearly entropic energies. "I was a dark mage too. But there was nothing I could do to stop my own magic from turning on my friends."
Mirana chews in thought as she listens, and once her muzzle is clear, "Don't share anything you don't want to Miss Kiyasai, and if I ask a question that seems out of bound, say so." She tries to get a sense for what Kiya is feeling, wondering what was making her feel so reserved with answering the questions. To try and help her a bit she smiles, "Dark Math in of itself isn't a force of evil, though it needs to be handled very carefully." she hics slightly and her belly gives some unusual sounds. She holds her chest and swallows hard, taking a few more sips of her extremely sour tea. "And, if you want to learn Math, I could help instruct you, and make sure that nothing bad happens while doing so." She says once she is sure the nausia has passed.
"You're the noble here, Lady Mirana. And I think you and I both find the title grating to the ears." Kiyasai tries to cheer herself up right now, although she's struggling to remain strong right now and she's clearly still harboring hate in her mind. Hate compiled by a dry emptiness that lingers in her mind, bordering on the edge of vengeance. Feelings of loss, of regret. Of not being able to choose. Though all of that is kept in check by a weak boundary, the bliss of blind faith only barely keeping the demons back. "Dark Math itself is evil. It's the people that choose to use it who aren't. As you delve deeper and deeper into the mysteries of dark magic though..." She trembles. "Any advanced student will know. It consumes you. It's why all dark magic spells are built to harm. And it's why dark elementals are forbidden from being summoned."
Mirana takes a sip again as she lets the winds of Kiya's feeling blow over her. She sets the tea down and gets up walking around to Kiya before kneeling down to give her a very tight hug, "And I take it you know this from experience?" She says, not really as a question. She thinks to herself 'Regret ... hate ..' and she shakes her head very gently and softly as she holds the priest, "I offer again, anytime you want to talk, day or night, I'll ensure you have a bed to sleep in and an ear to listen to you." Her belly rumbles ominously again and the noble vixen seems a bit green a moment as she releases the hug to sit more upright. Shaking her head once more she gets her compromised digestion to calm once more. "Ahem, and my other offer stands as well. You are clear headed from what I've seen and heard, so if you want to learn Divine Math, I'd be honored to teach you, though Miss Bite or Selena might be better teachers, I know I could at least do you justice." She stands again and returns to her seat, "And, you are right, no more titles between us, Kiyasai, Selena hates them too." She takes another bite of her food, though much more slowly then even her normal focused eating, wondering if it was a good idea.
Kiyasai smiles at the offer and shakes her head. "Regret, hate, yes. I can forgive myself, but I will never, ever forget. What happened that day and how I was treated." She reaches over to squeeze Mirana's hand lightly in her own for a while, making sure that she doesn't go fully green, then hmms softly as she tries to recall the usual pregnancy sicknesses and then she fails to remember and just decides to cheat by pulling out two short notes from...somewhere...to hand them to Mirana. "There. Those are some things you'll need to keep a lookout for so you'll know when you're ready. But now..." She pushes her empty plates aside, soup having grown cold. "I have to leave for my duties. I trust you'll keep in touch?"
Mirana nods, and sighs, "I will, as best I can, if nothing else, I'll make sure to have a messanger get a letter out to you, and look forward to seeing the same from you." She sips on the tea a bit more, a small burp welling up on her though she manages to keep her lady-like apperance. "And, I've been doing a lot of thinking, not just about my ... situation, but, I was wondering, maybe I should try to take up the mantle of a priest. It seems a noble persuit, and I'm not just talking about station or status. Maybe that is what my next step should be, why this is happening now. My meeting with Lady Kilsa, getting to talk to you, being put in such a ... condition." She thinks carefully before ordering the milk she promised to have. She stands and gives a curtsey as well as a wave, "Till we meet again, may the Creators bless our meeting this night, and bless us with many more joyful ones to come." And she starts to walk back toward her room, turning to say, "Anytime you are in town, day or night, just knock on my door." Then, however, her eyes go a bit wide and, holding her muzzle, makes a desprate run for the washroom of her bedroom.
"If you ever want to become a priest, let me know. I would like to be there when you officially do it. You'll find comfort in faith." Kiyasai smiles and salutes. "It's the only thing I've had left for a while now. And I'm doing well." She smiles, though a look of disapproval is in her eyes at Mirana's decision to keep the child, she doesn't judge at all, picking up her gear, and then she's on her way.